Acts of self destruction

People would probably say I tend to engage in some pretty self destructive behavior. I don't think I would really disagree, although I would contest I have gotten better over the years... If that really says much. You see, I was the type of person to be caught diving through tables WWE style at parties, or jumping off the roof into pools or onto trampolines. I my ma nw.ok wknno tdrif .ioitd ot a na bit... SUV saw I laos I

The point is, well, to be honest I am not entirely sure. I guess the point is that I used to be fucking insane and now, well now I think I fall under mildly deranged. Either way I sometimes wonder how these self destructive tendencies still manifest in ways I might not recognize. I sometimes wonder if I am afraid of success, because I feel as if I may have sabotaged myself by giving up on some things I have given up on right when they start to gain traction.

I wish I could find ways to just channel my energy to create more, but honestly I find it incredibly hard. I have a lot going on, so maybe that is it, but honestly I am not sure. Sometimes I just don't feel very driven anymore.

Hey you!

What do you think of that slick little redacted bit there? If you wan't me to show how I made that maybe you should let me know on twitter I looked ye olde metrics and it looks like a small handfull of you actually read these... weirdos 😝

anyway it would be helpful to know like... why you are reading and what you think and stuff. So don't be a stranger.